I start the spring semester in a couple days and I need to be able to get my workout in and get my homework done. So giving this a try again. I bought SurfShelf laptop desk thing from Amazon but the way my treadmill is set up it didn't work too well. It would have been awesome if I had a different console. My ghetto style one forces me to walk towards the back of the treadmill. Oh well, it serves the purpose.
So the cup thing was dumb. What did I do instead?? I met with my therapist on Monday morning. We talked about my compulsve thinking about food and how I still eat for emotional reasons. She said that from what I was saying I am not in touch with my thoughts and feelings when I am in these compulsive mindsets. Intellectually I get what is going on but I am not allowing myself to feel the feelings that are driving me to eat. She suggested that I stop for few moments and journal/chart how I am feeling and what I am thinking when I feel the desire to eat outside of hunger. I started doing it that day. Here are some screen shots from the notebook on my iphone.
It was very interesting to see how bothered I get by small things and how much my eating is triggered by stess. This week was rough. I suffer with an anxiety disorder. Generally the mood stabilizer I take along with a PRN anti-anxiety medication does the trick. But these last few days I haven't been able to kick the constant feeling of worry and like an elephant is sitting on my chest. I am on the treadmil right now trying to get some endorphines flowing since I have taken 2 PRN pills today with no avail. I tried meditation and deep breathing as well. Its been a crappy day. So here I am doing two things that help make me feel better. Walking and blogging/journaling. My sister is coming over to hang out too. She always makes me feel better to. All I can do is keep moving forward because I can't just crawl in bed and check out. The kids need there mom. My mom suffered from severe depression when I was young and I have memories of her in bed while my dad took us out. I dont want to give my kids the same memories. I'm sure this week will he better!
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