Check myself before I wreck myself...

It's been a few days since I blogged and I feel weird. Blogging is like cheap therapy for me and since I have been doing it, I feel like I have learned a lot about myself and this journey I am on. Blogging is fun and addicting! My hubby and I took the kids to San Diego for a quick 24 hour vaca on Wednesday night to celebrate my son's last day of school. We went down to La Jolla and did some walking around, saw some seals (so cute!) and went to Jose's for Mexican Food. I ate way to many chips and shared Tortilla soup with my hubby then picked apart a chicken taco. I sometimes (okay, daily) get stressed about the amount of food I can eat. I feel like I can eat like a good amount of food and that freaks me out. I miss the days of 2 oz of food satisfying me. I look at what I eat now and compared to that, it seems like alot. But in reality, it is not alot at all! Example...a typical Mexican food meal for me would have been tons of chips and salsa, 2 cheese enchiladas, chicken taco, beans and rice along with 3-4 refills of diet pepsi. I would also be able to share some fried ice cream too! Now my 2 sons and I share a 3 item combo and they eat the beans and rice and 1 item each and I eat the other item. I may eat a taco or a chili rellano. I usually pick at it too. Unless the tortilla is homemade, I usually don't bother. I usually don't eat the bread/tortilla/rice because unless it is FANTASTIC it's just not worth the room. I think my eating is actually pretty good, now that I think about it. The thing I am struggling with right now is snacking and the sweets. I find myself nibbling too much. I am not hungry. I am eating out of habit/boredom/stress. I really need to get this in check or I will snack the pounds back on. Nibbles really add up over the weeks/months. My environment doesn't help this situation either. I work in a medical office/day program and there is food readily available. At least 2 days a week drug reps bring catered lunch (today was El Torito), 2 days a week we serve lunch (usually some type of fast food) to our clients. Drug reps also bring snacks and treats and coffee and jamba juice. It's never ending! I learned my lesson with the jamba juice! It made me sick!!! Today reps brought these HUGE chocolate covered strawberries! I ate one. It's fruit and chocolate has antioxidants :) It was healthy...shut up! Going home isn't much easier because I have 2 young kids so there is always snack food around. Our snack choices have gotten healthier but they are still around. Excuses! Excuses! It comes down to choices. I can choose to eat what is there but I can also choose not to. I don't want to ever deprive myself. That doesn't work for me because frankly I am too stubborn and I don't like to be told what I can and can't do. BUT, I need to learn that just because I can eat something doesn't mean I should. My body is worth caring for and eating food that has some nutritional value is important. At the end of the day, it's all about balance. Balance is the key to maintaining a healthy weight. Learning to make CHOICES based on what your body needs and what your body wants and being able to realistically reconcile the two is what I need to figure out. I may want a cookie in the afternoon, but that means that I need to eat a high protein dinner and nix any other sweets for the day. BALANCE. But I need to stop snacking on shit. That is just never a good idea.

On a side note, I worked out tonight! I did 45 minutes on my treadmill. I bought this great treadmill in Dec as a gift to myself for getting under 200 lbs. I told myself that I didn't need to worry about exercise until I got under 200 lbs. Well, here I am 20+ lbs under that and I rarely work out. I have a $60 membership to the YMCA and a $600 treadmill and I still have a hard time working out 3 days a week! That is just crazy! It was so easy to walk tonight and I feel good! I am going to make more of an effort to work out because I still have another 6-12 months of weight loss left with the surgery. I need to take advantage and do all I can now. I have another 20 lbs I think I want to lose. I hate working out, but it is necessary to long term success so I just need to suck it up and quite complaining.

I better go for now. I feel like I just rambled on and on, but its my blog and I can ramble if I want to :) LOL! Have a good one!